10 Mar 2017 by Hazel
People come and go throughout your life time, some stay a very long time, some are merely passing through and others have a reason for being there. Over the last three years I have had three people who have significantly shaped my approach to life by teaching me lessons I think I shall carry forever. Why these three? Well because each of them has moved out of my life but their impact is worth mentioning because of the value of their lessons.
Jules – Ah yes Jules (brings a smile to my face). We met at work many, many years ago but the period where Jules had the most significance on my life was when she changed careers and became a life coach. She would say things to me and I would brush them off as hocus pocus. Now, years later, they make a lot more sense and really resonate. One in particular is that we have a choice on how we behave. I used to be someone who would allow my emotions to determine what my reaction would be to a given situation and often what transpired was not pretty. Anger. Tears. Hysterical laughter. Walking out of jobs. Throwing things. You name it, I had done it. These days when life gets a little tough I endeavour to take a deep breath, consider my options and when I am ready (sometimes that can be days later) I make an informed response to a situation. This is one of the many, many lessons I learnt from the time that Jules spent in my life. Another was the value of thinking positively, but that is a whole new blog! Sadly I also found just how much I value loyalty and as a result we are no longer in touch. Her words, her lessons, however, are always in my head and heart.
Diana – OMG Diana (tears as I feel the hole she left). If I was religious and believed in Angels then Diana was, and I guess would continue to be, my Angel. This beautiful woman taught me the value of life. The value of appreciating it here and now. Of never wasting time worrying about what might happen but rather to breathe in what is happening in the very moment. Diana and I would walk for miles and miles and just hang out. We talked about everything, nothing was taboo between us, men, sex, relationships, friendships, death, dying, life, and the rest. As I watched her slip from our reality I could not help but appreciate just how short life can be and how important it is to make the most of it. She was then, and is now, a huge inspiration in my life and much missed.
Clive – Oh Shit Clive (disbelief as I remember the complete madness that was dating a man who suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder). This man drifted into my life at a time when I was trying to come to terms with the end of my 9 year relationship and was hanging out for a new man. Tall, slim, somewhat attractive with what seemed like a heart of gold and a community spirit that put mine to shame. I thought all my dreams had come true when I met Clive. However it was not long before things started to go somewhat “off piste”. What transpired was about 8 months of pure madness. However like Jules and Diana, this man was here for a reason. As a result of his terribly destructive behaviour I learnt two things, resilience and self reliance. The more he attacked me, the stronger I became and in the end I walked away knowing, without a doubt in my mind, that I am a better, more balance and centered person when I am making my own way in life.
I am, for the first time in my life, truly happy and contented. When I get into bed it is all mine, any decision I make is mine to make, if I wish to go to bed at 8 and get up at 6 well then so be it, if I want to walk to the gym on a Saturday morning then I do. I answer to nobody. I have time for myself and the people that really, really matter to me. Where I live, how much I spend on clothes and what I do with my spare time is up to me.
Don’t get me wrong Clive was never as significant as Jules and Diana were in my life. However the lessons I learnt were as profound. The fact he moved me on from my heartbreak was a huge step in regaining my independence. The huge difference is I am incredibly grateful he is no longer part of my life, however with Jules I have always been hugely disappointed about what transpired between us and as for my gorgeous, courageous and amazing friend, Diana, I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss her. Her beautiful, elfin face is etched in my brain, always smiling.
I share this with you to illustrate just how important people can be even if they are only passing through. The lessons you can learn about yourself and the changes you can make as a result can really shape how you progress. Their contribution can be as valuable as those that are with you for life.