28 Mar 2017 by Hazel
Walking along the river in the sunshine listening to the words of Jack Savoretti singing Sleep No More I could not help but reflect on the role love plays in my life and progress. I’ve had my fair share of romantic love but, other than my two beautiful children, I have to admit that I’ve come to question the merits of “Fighting like enemies, out on the battlefield of love, fixing broken dreams, ……” which were the words Jack was blasting into my ear. I am far more motivated by the love I receive from my family and friends and my love of so much in this amazing world we live in.
As this was soaring through my mind a photo brought back a memory and I started to laugh out loud, the photo was of my gorgeous friend John on his lawn imitating me doing yoga. He was doing great until he collapsed in a heap and I fell about laughing. I was visiting him for the weekend and my overriding memory was of the two of us laughing. Now this is the sort of love that made me thrive!
Two marriages, one 9 year partnership and a brief encounter with C, a man who still occupies far too much thought space due to his narcissistic personality disorder. At the end of all these romantic relationships I was left feeling much like the boat I was walking past. It was listing precariously, held afloat by some sort of blown up raft. The longer, more intense the relationship the worse the outcome. Thankfully the one that had the potential of killing me came at a time when I was so strong it was more like a mosquito bite. The only lasting affect is my guilt complex knowing that for as long as he lives Clive will go on to abuse one woman after another. Sadly I can do little about that so I focus on the love I have in my life that allows me to move on and thrive.
I’ve never been happier in my life than I am now. Free from romantic love but absolutely brimming with the love I have for my family, friends, colleagues, music, home, knitting, relaxing, exercise, travelling and so much more than I can ever list. Don’t get me wrong I am not advocating giving up on love (she says as Jack is signing those exact words!). If romantic love is working for you then enjoy it. For me it seems to have the opposite effect so, sorry Jack, I’m giving up on it. My life is going to be spent basking in the glory of love of a different kind. This love of life and the beauty of all it has to offer which allows me to thrive. Daily.